Can't Have Him!
by TaintedGemini
Summary: Slash!Rinoa POV Squall thinks he loves Rinoa but she knows better.RinoaxSquall Seiferxsquall
1. Chapter 1

Title: Can't have you!

Author: Tainted Gemini

Rating: PG 13

Warnings: Mention of slash.

Pairing: Rinoa/Squall Seifer/Squall

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8 or the characters of Rinoa, Squall and Seifer Square Enix do.

Edited on the 5/5/2012

Description: Rinoa's point of view, Squall is Rinoa's night, but she knows he's really in love with Seifer. Without a proper knight to keep her balance, Rinoa's spiralling out of control. Constructive criticism is always welcome. I am sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes I have no beta.

**Prologue**

It breaks my heart to see you smile at me like that, so falsely loving like you don't even realize its fake yourself. You think yourself in love with me, but I know better I have seen your true heart and there is no place for me there. Given away years ago your heart was to your rival, my ex love Seifer. The only soul that stayed by your side every step, life has been leading you along, until now.

Consciously you never knew you locked up your heart up so tightly for too many years. The journey we took unlocked it, alas for poor Seifer he had gone too far by then, both fortunate and unfortunate for me. I am a connection to what you have lost, so you transferred your affections to me. You use me without even realizing it, but I do not blame you, for I am using you too. I have been using you, by letting this farce continue undiscovered. By your side, I am safe from the World, safe from people who wish me dead.

My dear Squall, this power inside me has given me the wisdom that I have always lacked. It has allowed me to see things as they really are. I know that I love you, I know that you love me but not in the way I want, or need. I know you love him and I know that he loves you back. I also know that he will come for you, but above all else I know that he is not going to get you. I am not the girl that he knew .I am The Sorceress Rinoa, and you are my Knight for all eternity and he can't have you!

Thanks for reading


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Can't have you!

Author: Tainted Gemini

Rating: PG 13

Warnings: Mention of slash.

Pairing: Rinoa/Squall Seifer/Squall

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8 or the characters of Rinoa, Squall and Seifer Square Enix do.

Chapter 1: Lost Child

He looks so vulnerable when he is asleep, like a little lost boy, and when I think about it, that is just what he is. He is a lost child just like me, but we found each other, and it will be okay. I enjoy moments like this, when I am lying next to him in our bed, watching him sleep, safe from the world outside our room. I do not have to smile here; I do not have to pretend that everything is okay; everything is most certainly not okay. It hasn't been for a long time now. Not since the war.

I am not the same girl that I was before the war, not even close. I think Squall is the only one that gets that; but even he does not realize just how much I have changed. I used to be so naïve, believing that all people had good inside them, that I could change the world with good intentions alone, but that is just stupid. People are cruel and hateful and that little clueless little girl I was had not a hope in hell of changing that. Love does not rule the world, power dose. Power is everything, if you do not have it, then you are less than nothing. I understand this now.

I helped save the World along with Squall and his friends, but people don not see that, they see a sorceress, and they fear me because of it. They speak hateful words behind my back, they do not think I know, but I do, I hear them and it hurts me to the bone. Squall does not fear me, he loves me, but not in the way I want him to, or in the way he thinks he does. This is the brutal truth, but if I never speak it out loud, then he will never realize he has blocked those feelings he has for someone else and replaced those feelings with false ones of me.

I need him. Squall is power, and people flock to him, but he only wants me, he only needs me. I have power too but people fear it and so do I. It specks to me sometimes, the power that flows underneath my skin; it is restless, especially tonight. Quistis told me something today that makes me feel afraid and very angry…and betrayed.

"Rinoa, why you are still awake?" my lover asked.

I did not know he was awake; he is looking at me with those beautiful clouded blue eyes.

"Sleep" I tell him.

I brush back his silken cinnamon colour hair off his porcelain fair. People think his skin must be cold to the touch, untouchable like they think he is, but it i's not, it is warm to the touch, just like his heart.

"Are you okay? You seem sad" he can be so thoughtful sometimes

"I was just thinking…Squall…Quistis told me that you are looking for Seifer…is it true?

Please say no, please say no, he i's sighing, I know the answer

"It is true"

Why? Why? Why?

"Why?" I can't stop the question from leaving my mouth or the panicked tone I used.

He sighs again, I hate that sound.

"It is just something I have to do"

Lies, he is lying to me, even if he does not consciously know, it it's still a lie.

"He hurt me Squall, He hurt you, he hurt so many, and he is not worth it"

I can sense his anger, he is angry, he is angry at me! I hate you Seifer!

"Please Squall; just forget him, for me"

He won't look at me

"I cannot…please try to understand…Rinoa, I have to do this" there is desperation in his voice.

Understand? I do understand, more than even he does, that is why I am angry. Calm, I have to be calm I can still control this I can still control him.

"Okay Squall if it's that important to you"

I can lie too Squall and I'm getting good and believe me it is not okay, but I will play the part of the sweet loving girlfriend, and I will find a way to keep him out of our lives forever.

"Thank you"

You are grateful, you should be, he hurt you and left you, I am here ,I love you, care for you, I put up with your faults but your heart is calling out for him…him not me…it is not fair.

"Did you have any luck?" I ask.

He's relaxing, good.

"No, just a lot of false leads"

I am trying not to smile, he has no idea where to look but I might, being one of the only people he knows that is not from garden, I might have a better idea of where he would go to avoid garden.

"Don't worry I am sure you will find him"

He I's smiling at me; he is kissing me on the head. Not the lips. "

Thanks Rinoa we should try and get some sleep."

I nod. I will not sleep, I need to plan. I have to find Seifer first, and then I will…kill him…why did I think that….can I do that?

Thanks to Caiden for the nice review and I'm taking your advice hope you liked this chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2: The Plan

I have to find Quistis as soon as possible, I need her help to find Seifer before Squall is able to. Without her knowing what my plans are of course. She may not be Seifer's greatest fan, but she would never agree to help me, if she knew what I mean to do to him. No one would, it is not something that you can ask of another person. I hope to Hyne that it all works out and that no one finds out, especially Squall. He would never forgive me. He would not understand, that this id for the best, for both of us.

I can see her now; she is in the quad talking to some students. Look at them, fawning over her like she is some sort of God. She has made more than her own fair share of mistakes; she is just a lowly, human just like them. They should be worshiping me, not her, I am a Sorceress, and I am the God among them. What am I thinking? My thoughts never seem to be my own these days. I cannot, I cannot do this, and I cannot hurt Seifer. He was my friend once; he was my boyfriend for some time too. He was good to me. Yet, he did betray me, he betrayed Squall too, Hyne he betrayed everyone.

"Rinoa can I help you with something?"

Am I imagining it or is that a condescending tone in her voice. I think it is, but then again she has always looked down on me, she sees me as a useless child that is in her way. Sometimes I see her look at Squall with such longing in her eyes, it makes me angry. No one can look at him; no one can touch him except for me. He is mine, no one else's; he never will be anyone else's.

"Can we talk?"

She smiles at me, but I know her friendliness is faked. I wonder, did she just tell me about Squall searching for Seifer to make us fight, to break us up to so she could have him for herself.

"Of course, what do you want to talk about?"

Her cronies are staring at me with suspicion. They are stupid, useless things, but they have keen ears. It would be best if they did not witness our conversation.

"Can we go somewhere more private, please?" I ask.

She nods, excusing herself, much to her cronies dismay and beckons me to follow her.

"Is this about what I told you yesterday?"

We are in her office, the Headmistress's office. I still cannot believe Squall turned down the position, the power he could have had. I suppose his title of Commander has given some power but it's not enough.

"Yes"

Now I have to put my plan in action, or we will never have more.

"You are worried, it is understandable. I am also worried, and I was hoping you could stop him from continuing his search."

I shake my head at that.

"No he is set on finding him, but maybe with your help, I could find him first and convince him to never come back."

It is her turn to shake her head, it seems. Why can she not live, even slightly up to the

Hype, that her fans, praise her with? Be of some use to me.

"I am not sure, maybe that is being a bit drastic, the last time we saw him he tried to kill us sure, but maybe Squalls right."

I have to stay calm.

"Right about what exactly?"

She is looking at me strangely.

"That Seifer wasn't in control of himself. Maybe we need to forgive him"

"No way, he has to pay for actions"

Why they cannot not see it, I cannot fathom, fools the lot of them.

"Rinoa I understand how you feel, l but maybe we should hear his side of the story first."

Okay I need to focus; I have to turn this around.

"You are right of course Quistis, but I think I should be the one to hear out his story. He may just turn on Squall. Given their history he might panic, but he might talk to me."

She is considering what I have said, mulling it over, she can see I have a point.

"You may have a point, but I am worried about your safety."

It is funny that she only thinks of that now.

"I will be fine; I am a sorceress you know!"

A strange look flickers across her face, as I say it.

"Yes I do….okay, I have not told Squall yet but I think I have located him."

Hyne is smiling on me.

Fisherman's Horizon, never would I have expected to find you here; I would have thought it too quiet for your liking. I would have figured you would have hidden in one of the cities, in some comfortable hideaway, but appearing every now and then, just to cause a fuss. I would have imagined you, appearing in the mist of crowds of people just to taunt your enemies, just as you were always prone to doing. Yet here you are, so unsuspecting, wait until you meet the new me! You helped that sorceress, you made me into this, and I will make you pay. You will never hurt Squall or I again. You have seen me; you look surprised, well good you should be, and soon you will be afraid. I smile at you.

"Hello Seifer"

Thanks for the review Twilightbunny love the name by the way. Glad you're enjoying the story.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3: Confrontation

"Rinoa, what are you doing here?"

After all you have done, after what you did to me that is all you can say? You bastard, you should beg for my forgiveness on bended knee. Never mind you will be begging for your life soon enough.

"

I heard you were here Seifer, I had to see for myself if it was true"

That is right; lure him into a false since of security. There is that smirk, I used to love that smirk but now, I despise it with all my heart.

"Well here I am, in the flesh. Does it thrill you to see that I still live?"

I hate that smirk and I hate you Seifer.

"No, it sickens me!"

You look confused? I do not see why, It is simply really.

"The last time we met you threw me to Adel like I was just a piece of trash, all just to hurt Squall, and now. Now you stand in the way of my happiness"

Why are you looking at me like I'm crazy? How dare you!

"Rinoa have you had some sort of nervous breakdown or are you taking some sort of drugs?"

Insolent child, how dare he make fun of me, I am his better, and he is nothing but dirt!

"I know you are in love with him."

That sure did wipe that wretched smirk off your treacherous face.

"I do not know what you are babbling on about."

I wonder are you still in denial like Squall? Maybe I do not have to kill you; maybe all I have to do is get you to disappear again, this time forever.

"I want you to leave here and I want you to disappear, I want you to make sure no one from Garden will ever be able to find you. Do you understand?"

Why are you giving me such an exasperated look, Seifer?

"I have been trying to do that Rinoa, and I was succeeding too, until you showed up. How did you find me anyway?"

Just leave already Seifer, I am letting you off light here, van you not see that? Of course you cannot, it's not in your nature to know what's good for you.

"Quistis told me."

You are smirking again, why are you laughing? Just leave me and Squall alone.

"Dear instructor Quistis was looking for me? I feel so honoured."

Should I tell him the truth? His reaction could tell me if he is too much of a threat to leave alive. Yes I should test him and if he fails, he dies.

"No Quistis was only helping out at the request of a friend. Squall is the one who is looking for you."

I can read you like a book, there is disbelief, now there is confusion, now hope and happiness and above all else there is love in your eyes. So Seifer you must die, it is the only way for Squall and I to be together. You do not deserve him, he is light and you are the dark. You must die.

"Why is Leonhart looking for me, for revenge?"

You are trying to ignore how my words made you feel.

"No Seifer not revenge, he has already forgiven you."

Are my words sinking in yet? Seifer, have you grasped the truth? Have you realized what you mean to him? Let me give you the gift of truth before I kill you, because you are the disease that is killing him and I am the cure.

"Aww does puberty boy miss me?"

Stop denying the truth you fool, recognize it, feel it, rejoice in it, so I can end my suffering.

"Yes he misses you, but that is not the main reason. I have been aware of this for some time, and I must admit it to you now. Squall is in love with you Seifer, he always has been. I'm just a replacement, a connection to you."

Your laughter is forced and it gives you away. You do not want to believe my words, encase they are a cruel joke. Seifer, I spec the truth, Hyne knows I wish I did not.

"Do not lie to me. I know it makes you happy to hear this, I know you are in love with him too!"

Stop shaking your head, you are fooling no one.

"I remember when we were dating, you would talk about him, your words could be mocking, but your eyes shone with love. I was naïve, I did not see it then, but now I do."

Yes turn away from me Seifer; it will make things a whole lot easier. I can feel my power surge to life, flowing through my body. It sings to me, it knows, what I want, what I need. Soon it will ripe through you, I will watch with pleasure as it consumes you. I wonder will you call out for him, as you fade away, will you admit your crime at the last moment. Will you regret all the many mistakes you have made, the pain you have put people through? Are you capable of that, Seifer? Will you curse me, Seifer? Will your hate follow you to the next life? Or will you thank me for it, will death bring you relief? Just one more moment, and you will be gone from my life forever. You will be where you deserve to be, in the land of the dead, like you should already be. You should have fallen you're your Sorceress, like any proper knight would have.

"Rinoa is that you? Seifer…"

No, Squall, not now!

Thanks for the review SilverWhiteDragon Hope you liked this chapter I can't promise that no one dies don't want to spoil the ending.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 4: Betrayal

Squall, why oh why are you here? Why now? Did you follow me here; do you trust me so little?

"Rinoa, what is going on here?"

What is going on, you ask? I will tell you what is going on, I was just about to rid us of this vial creature forever. I wish I could say this to you but I cannot. You would never understand and you would hate me for it. I could not live with you hating me. I need your love, I need you stand beside me. I need your protection.

"I was worried about you Squall. I was trying to protect you!"

Well that is partly true. Why are you looking at me like that Squall?

"Yeah Puberty boy, your girlfriend here, seemed pretty desperate to get me to disappear…said some other interesting things too"

You bastard! You lying treacherous monster, you coward, how I loathe you. You are not getting him, not now, not ever!

"He is lying! Do not listen to him Squall…he is not worth our time let us just go home now, please? I really want to go home, I do not feel well."

You look confused, like you do not know who to believe. Is it not obvious? He betrayed you Squall; I've only ever been loyal to you. I want to protect you.

"Okay Rinoa, we will go back to Garden but first I have to talk to Seifer alone, okay?"

Alone…why do you have to give him anymore of your time, of our time? Let us just go, let us just forget about him. You don't need him, you have me Squall.

"Please Rinoa. "

You say that like this is no big deal. Only it is a big deal to me.

"Sure Squall, I will wait for you at the train station."

Like I am really just going to leave you two alone, what kind of fool does he take me for? I will just have stay out of sight. Where would be good, behind that building maybe? This is perfect, I will just hide behind here, you cannot see me but I can see and hear you perfectly. This is your test Squall, I need to know what you have to say to him and I need to know what you will do now that he is here in front of you.

You are just staring at him, just say your piece so we can leave, and never see him again. Please just get him out of your system. He is strong like you, I am not, and I am the one that needs you to protect me from the world.

"So you are Alive."

Get on with it Squall, stop laughing at him Seifer

"Words were never were your strong point Squall"

That is right Squall scowl at him, see he only wants to make fun of you; he is not worth your love. He never was, and now you will see the truth.

"Rinoa said you were looking for me, is that true?"

I can see the hope in your eyes from here Seifer.

"Yes I needed to see you."

Why are you moving closer to him Squall? Please don't kiss him. You are not, you just hit him! He, he is bleeding. Did you just break his nose? I feel so light with relief.

"Fuck, what was that for?"

Take that Seifer; hey get your hands off him. Seifer how dare you kiss my Squall, push him off Squall…why are you not pushing him off? He is pulling you closer, your arms are around his neck and you are kissing him back. You never kissed me like that, with such fiery passion.

Hyne, how could you do this to me Squall? You are pushing him away, yes tell him it was a mistake, it is not too late for this to turn out okay, just say it was a mistake. Please! Say you love me Squall.

"I cannot do this, I am with Rinoa…I love her"

Yes, it was just a silly mistake.

Seifer's laughing, why is he laughing? There is nothing funny about this. How dare he laugh!

"No you don't, I know that, you know that. Hell even Rinoa knows that, before you came, she was begging me to leave because she knew that you were in love with me. She knew that I loved you too"

He reaches for you. Don't believe him! Don't let him touch you again. He touches your cheek. Why did you let him do that?

"I need some time to think."

Time, why do you need time, just say no, say goodbye. He grabs you, just let him go Seifer, he's mine.

"I know I fucked up but believe me when I say I am truly sorry…I am in love with you Squall, I only realized it when it was too late. Is it too late?"

Say yes, say you hate him, and say you love me. Only me!

"No Seifer I have already forgiven you but I need time and I need to sort things out with Rinoa. Just give me time."

He kisses you again. You kiss back. How could you? I hate you! I hate you both!

"I'll be waiting here, but be careful, she is not herself, remember she is a sorceress now, she could be dangerous"

You mock me with those words Seifer. I have to get away I need to think.

"Rinoa there you are!"

Do not smile at me I know it's fake.

"Are you mad at me?"

Mad at you? I'm furious.

"I'm sorry"

Sorry is not enough.

"I heard what you said to him, I saw what you did. You betrayed me!"

You look horrified and guilty, you should be.

"Rinoa….I know that you must hate me, I do not blame you…I hate myself. I know there is nothing I can say to make this alright…I just want you to know the truth. Yes I am in love with Seifer, I have been for a long time but I have been cut off from my feelings for so long, that I never realized it. When he betrayed us I was so hurt and then there was you, you needed me and I lost myself in you."

Stop I know all this already it doesn't make it better.

"You deserve better than me, I am broken Rinoa, I am lost, and I could never make you happy. I have known idea if it could work with Seifer but I do know you will make some lucky guy so very happy."

I do not want anyone else. If you do not love me, I will make you love me. I am a sorceress and you are my knight, I feel my power growing, I will control you!

"Ahh what is happening Rinoa? What are you doing?"

I will take over your mind, until there is nothing but me. I can control you like Ultimecia controlled Edea and Seifer.

"Rinoa get out of my head!"

Give in Squall, give in to me.

You are so still now, if it was not for your chest going up and down, I think you were dead.

"Who do you serve?"

You stare at me blankly

"You my Love, I serve only you!"

That is much better.

"Good. Now go and kill Seifer!"

Your reply is a simple nod of your head and three simple words.

"Yes my Love"

Thanks for the reviews SilverWhiteDragon and missblacknightsky Hope you both liked this chapter. There is one more chapter and an epilogue to go.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 5: Trap

"Squall, Rinoa what are you doing back so soon? Did you two miss me that much?"

You seem surprised to see me Seifer, and do I detect and odour of fear from you? Never mind I am sure there will be soon enough. I will make you pay for what you did to me in the past and for what you planned to do to me in this very point in time. A flash of steel and the dance begins.

"Caught you off guard, did we Seifer?"

I have to admire his determination to glare at me while fending off Squalls attacks.

"Squall should I take this as your answer to us being together, or have you just gone nuts?"

Oh Seifer, always with the taunts but I can see as your body twists and turns and your blade blocks his again and again, the hope is dying in your eyes. You are just blocking his attacks, you cannot hurt him, and so you are going to die. I almost feel sorry for you, almost but not quite. My Squall's eyes are like thunder clouds, his leather clad body is lithe and agile, and he movers like a panther attacking his opponent from different angles, withdrawing before he can be touched. Seifer's body is strong and muscular and he fights with flair unlike Squalls methodical technique but you would not be able to tell from this fight.

His body is moving automatically to fend Squall off but not to wound; it is kind of sweet really. I am feeling sort of disappointed really, I mean these two have had some spectacular fights but this is kind of pathetic. I am bored now, time to finish this once and for all.

"Squall, kill him now!"

They both turned at my order, I can sense the last piece of the puzzle click inside Seifer's, his eyes say it all, he knows, but it doesn't matter it is too late for him.

It is Squall's eyes that worry me, there seems to be conflict going on behind those eyes, the blue underneath is fighting against the dominant thunder clouds. Squall kill him, kill him I know you can hear me our minds are connected, I can see you flinch you know.

"Rinoa please stop this, get out of my head!"

You yelled at me, how you dare yell at me. This is your own entire fault, everything is your fault! You should have just loved me like you were meant to, like I deserve to be loved. If that was so impossible you could have at least kept pretending to love me.

The price for all the heartache you made me feel you must now pay, you must pierce his heart with your very own sword, Lion heart. It must be by your hand, I need your loyalty, your love, your soul, and I must own you entirely. I know this must be killing you; I know part of will die with him but that part is tainted by him. I will be all you know you will be pure. Enough your heart must die so mine can live do it now.

Why do you fight this? You can be my heartless knight nothing will hurt you again, we could rule the world together you and I. All I need is your strength; your heart refuses to be mine so I must destroy it. Would that be such a loss really? You can be so cold sometimes, quite heartless, would it really make much of a difference? Do you not think power in return for your heart would be an alluring offer?

"

Squall, listen to me I know what you are going through. Listen to me you have to fight it your stronger than me, your stronger than her."

How dare he try to turn you against me, do not listen to his lies. Stronger than him you may be but you are not stronger than me, you are weak. Stop trying to resist me you cannot. No, you cannot be winning your weak, I am strong. I am losing, no not yet I will just kill him myself, and then you'll be mine. It is time to finish what I started before you interrupted me. You must remember your forcing me to do this. Glorious power I feel it spreading through me.

"No Rinoa, do not do this, please!"

There is no point in pleading with me Squall; it is your faults so do not interfere.

"If you want to kill him you will have to go through me first!"

Bastard get out of the way, do not shield him from me.

"Run Squall she won't hurt you get out of here. You need to warn the others."

That is very honourable Seifer, trying to protect him but it will not save you or him.

"No I'm not leaving you!"

That is right Squall you are not leaving.

"Do not be such an idiot!"

Glaring at each other will not work you are both too stubborn for it to work. I see know you are both too strong. I would never be able to control you Squall, I need someone weaker and you both need to die.

"If you are not with me Squall your against me. I will just have to kill you both"

Try and dodge this Seifer. Ahh, why do I hurt? Blood, but it's them that should be bleeding not me. I can't see.

"Squall, Seifer are you two ok?"

Selphie, why is she here?

"Still think we should have waited until after she killed Seifer!"

Zell, he's here too, what is going on? Why do I hurt?

"What was that chicken wuss?"

What's going on?

Where am I?

"Rinoa, you're awake"

Squall? What is happening squall?

"I am so sorry Rinoa. I should have never have become your knight. A knight is meant to keep a sorceress sane but I could not. I am in love with Seifer, I belong with him, I need to be with him and I cannot be with you. It is my fault this is happening. I am so sorry."

Are you crying Squall? Why are you crying?

"Seifer knew there was something wrong with you, he called Quistis, had a hard time convincing her to come but she did. They shot you using a bullet designed by Doctor Odin, you should be fine, but your powers have been blocked. It is only for a while, but by then you will be-"

I'll be what?

"I was so angry with them that bullet has never been tested before. They could have killed you!"

Angry, do you not you hate me?

"Where am I?"

I can see you now but that is about it. You look awful you have obviously been crying for a while.

"We are on the Ragnork. We are taking you to Esther."

Esther?

"Why?"

Do not look at me like that; the pain in your face is making me afraid.

"You have been out for two weeks, we tried to keep it quiet, but someone went behind our backs and told the Galbadian Government. They are calling for your detainment. They are going to do the same thing they did to Adel to you. They said if we did not give you up they would kill you. We have no choice."

Imprisonment, I am to be frozen like Adel.

"Get out Squall, Get out!"

I have been here before, right at this point but last time you saved me Squall. This time you will not, I feel so alone, afraid but most of all betrayed. By my so called Friends and you Squall, most of all you. You told me you loved me, not as a lover but love all the same, so why are you letting this happen? I am filled with hate watching you and Seifer with his arm around you, just watching me. You may have won for now Seifer but I will get out of this someday. You wait and see.

I tis happening now, Oh Hyne, stop, stop, stop this Squall stop this…Squall!

Thanks to anyone that reviewed I know it was short and I apologise again for the grammar I'll have a beta for the next one. I'll post the epilogue soon and I have a sequel in mind, if any ones interested I've done a sketch for a cover for this and it's on my Deviant art page .com


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Can't have you!

Author: Tainted Gemini

Rating: PG 13

Warings: Mention of slash.

Pairing: rinoaxsquall seiferxsquall

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8 or the characters of Rinoa, Squall and Seifer Square Enix do.

Description: This is from Squalls point of view.

Epilogue

"You did this to me, it's your entire fault" those hate filled words follow me from my dreams into reality. My guilty conscience believes Rinoa's words with great conviction and will not let me rest even for a second. For it is the truth, I pulled her into my world of loss and it swallowed her gentle soul hole. The worst of it was that it was not even her I wanted, it was Seifer all along. For every step I took, it was to be by his side, always for him. Seifer is the only one that can survive me.

He's lying beside me now, both a comfort and a reminder of my guilt. I have to wonder do I deserve him; do I deserve to be happy? Should I redraw into myself again, remain in a silent world like poor Rinoa or should I embrace the sunlight that is Seifer sunlight that can burn me and takes great delight in pissing me off. That fills me with pleasure that is so great that I feel I must be dreaming.

He can pull more emotion from my heart than anyone I've ever known. I feel anger and sadness, happiness and annoyance and most of all love. I can't leave him, I will not leave him but this guilt will also not leave, nor do I wish it to. It's what I deserve, I will pay my dept to Rinoa with my suffering it's not enough but it's all I can give. "Will you please stop thinking your giving me a headache by just looking at you" I love you Seifer but you sure do know how to push my buttons.

"Don't glare at me like that Leonhart" then don't annoy me. "You weren't annoyed before I fell asleep, as I remember you seemed real happy. Should I make you happy again?" Your voice is so deep, how can you read my mind so well? Your lips fell so good on mine, hot and wanting but I can't do this now. "Not now Seifer" you're hurt I can tell. "Now is not a good time, okay?" I pull you close. "Okay just stop think and get some sleep, Squall" I fell safe here in your arms. I can close my eyes, I can sleep now.

"I'm going to get you Squall" Rinoa?

Thanks for reading there will be a sequel eventually, a much longer sequel I promise.


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